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lemonfreshsmurf

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This just in... [Oct. 6th, 2005|11:03 am]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |shockedshocked]
[Current Music |She will be loved (Maroon 5)]

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting a baby!!!

If I were her, I'd ask my lawyers to check my contract with a fine-toothed comb to see if it mentions anything about "miraculous virgin birth".


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Apologies to the "lefty socialists" [Sep. 20th, 2005|10:32 am]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |energeticimpatient]
[Current Music |I see red! I see red! I see red!]

Me: Hurry up... lets go vote!

hT: No wait! I have to change my shirt.

Why?

It's red!

So who cares?

People will think I'm a lefty socialist!

No they won't, it's Ralph Lauren!
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Public service announcement [Sep. 16th, 2005|09:59 am]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[Current Music |Power to the world... every boy and every girl (Spice Girls)]

Don't forget to exercise your democratic right tomorrow and vote.

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This is an actual job application but I made it an online quizzie [Aug. 22nd, 2005|04:43 pm]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |sillysilly]
[Current Music |What's my age again? What's my age again (Blink 182)]

QUESTION #1: Why do you feel you'd be good at writing for young teenagers?
Later on, on the drive home, I called her mom from a pay phone.
I said, “I was the cops and your husband's in jail. This state looks down on sodomy”. And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me. Nobody likes you when your 23 And are still more amused by prank phone calls. What the hell is caller ID?
My friends say I should act my age… What's my age again? What's my age again?
(Blink 182)
Yo, I am so down with the kidzzzzz...

QUESTION #2: What do you feel are the three funniest TV shows of all time?
Desperate Housewives, Scrubs and Survivor.

QUESTION #3: What are your favorite TV shows currently in production?
Grey’s anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Shortland Street.

QUESTION #4: What do you feel are the three funniest movies of all time?
Wayne’s world, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, the one that I’m writing (work in progress, untitled)

QUESTION #5: What were your three favorite childhood TV shows? (can be animated, or live-action)
Sesame Street, Captain Planet, Chatterbox

QUESTION #6: How do you feel about your writing being rewritten?
Kill those bastards! I mean, I am open to constructive input. Kill…

QUESTION #7: Do you have an agent? If so, what agency?
Yes, the CIA. I mean, no.

QUESTION #8: Are you a member of the WGA?
Yes all my friends are high-ups in the World Gambling Association. So hire me if you don’t want to find your limbs in the post.

QUESTION #9: What is the UNfunniest TV show you've ever seen that most people regarded as very funny?
America’s funniest home videos.

QUESTION #10: How do you feel about working late nights and weekends?
Yay, more money! For me!

QUESTION #11: Have you seen any current TV shows (live-action, not animated) aimed at tweens that you felt were particularly funny and/or well written?
Being Eve and I’m not biased at all.

QUESTION #12: Have you seen any current TV shows (live-action, not animated) aimed at tweens that you felt were terrible? If so, which ones?
That Hillary Duff one, because it was a total rip-off of Being Eve.

QUESTION #13: What are your main goals as a writer?
To tease and manipulate and earn lots of money in the process.

QUESTION #14: What really pisses you off? Your pet peeves.
Pretty easy going. Don’t really have any but I’ll just name a few that I encountered today: Insurance companies, people that walk slow in front of you, men in orange make-up, cats with no whiskers, sun shining directly in my eyes, star wars ringtone, people with star wars ringtones,… this was before midday. Shall I go on?

QUESTION #15: Have you seen any kids' TV shows that made YOU laugh? If so, which?
Being Eve. I laughed but maybe for the wrong reasons. Oh and anything with Jase and Thingee.

QUESTION #16: What are your three favorite restaurants in Los Angeles?
McDonalds, Subways and Pizza Hut.

QUESTION #17: Are you a Mac person or a Windows person?
Windows. I have trouble left clicking on Macs.

QUESTION #18: Who was the youngest man to hold the office of President of the United States?
Theodore Roosevelt?

QUESTION #19: You're late for work on a day when it's very important to be on time. You get in your car and realize your gas gauge is almost on empty. If you don't stop for gas, you can make it to work on time. But you know there's about a 50/50 chance you'll run out of gas on the way. What would you do?
Put it in third and keep going, you can potter around on it on near-empty for days.

QUESTION #20: What live-action (not cartoon) TV show aimed at tweens do you HOPE this job is for?
Red Shoe Diaries – the high school years.

QUESTION #21: Why do you want this job?
Money, money, money, money, MO-NEY!!!

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Stuffing humble pie down some throats [Aug. 11th, 2005|09:04 am]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |boredbored]

Music: You know what I'm saying, see what I'm talking about man? (Eminem)

Okay, there are like way too many comment threads now and I have decided to settle the matter once and for all. Apparently bullet points help people understand better:

Amanda:

  • I get it, you work for an insurance agency.
  • Someone called you up screaming? Fine, I was simply playing devil’s advocate to suggest why they were screaming.
  • As I said, I’ve had to answer phones before. I have spoken to every type of aggrieved caller and was trained to see things from the customer’s point of view, try to calm them down and be helpful. What I would do is go down the corridor and speak to the person it is likely to be (and it is usually easy to hazard a guess – particularly in small firms) and say something like, “Hey, was there a guy on the phone you just talked to? He’s pretty aggro”. It’s Phone manner 101.
  • Perhaps the reason you didn’t do that is because you work with jerks and you don’t’ want to talk to them.
  • From your petty posts in communities like customers_suck (People mistake you for the receptionist? Big deal! Now who thinks their hot shit?) and co-workers_suck you seem to have developed a permanent chip on your shoulder.
  • Instead of growing a hernia and blogging about it, get a new job. Even better for you, a change in career.
  • If you are going to blog about it, try [redacting] incriminating details like names of the people you work for, their reluctance to pay bills and the company name. That just does you no favours.

Aroihkin (G)ay Silverblade:

  • You are a royal pain in the butt and busy body who should mind your own business.
  • I have still had no explanation as to your initial response to my comment. I assume that you are so excited to have gotten out of lucrative career at Home Depot (returns) that you felt a need to stand up for your new choice of career. More power to you.
  • However, when your comments get personally insulting, I bite back.
  • Unless you intend to give intelligent, considered or at least witty rebuttal (cum shots on insurance forms is neither intelligent, nor witty), shut up and take it like a man.
  • Okay, I get it, you’re not a man but do you blame me for mistaking you for one? You yourself admit that everyone else seems to.
  • If the reason why you think this is so hilarious is because this is the first time in your life that you have gotten any sort of attention, it's sad.
EDIT: My (final) response to a particular comment by this twit:
She says: "swaggering around saying everyone in the insurance business are ass-holes, is inexcusable. Doing so with a sob-story no one could care about, is sadly amusing. I don’t care if it’s what they meant or not, that’s what the -comment- looked like, which I replied to. And throwing a tantrum when someone calls them on it, is just dumb."
I say: In what way did I say in either of my first two comments that that "EVERYONE in the insurance business are ass-holes"? As for "a sob-story no one could care about", I guess that just shows what a self-centred, thoughtless fuckwit you are. I don't know how amused (sadly or otherwise) you would be if you encountered any mishaps on your cruddy bike. Your comments (featuring "joyless laughter", work related erotica and general insults) reek of a sad, pathetic individual with a need to affirm yourself by whatever means. I'm suprised Miracle Kisses is actually still siding with you but you know what? You deserve each other.

Everyone else:

  • I have no prejudice against customer service. In fact, I agree that most of the time customers can be totally demanding and unreasonable.
  • My philosophy has always been do unto others as you’d have do unto you.
  • Any negative comment I made towards Aroihkin has not been in any way trying to demean customer service – just Aroihkin.

Here’s another true anecdote which is less personal for me:

Family A is a modest income family who after 15 years of hard work paid off their mortgage. Their home was destroyed in a tragic fire. Naturally, they make a claim with their insurance company. Their insurance company rejects the claim for various reasons. A year later, an independent inquiry found that the insurance company was wrong and Family A was entitled after all. By that time, Family A has had to endure the hardships and additional costs of relocating, getting a new home etc… The insurance company however refused to pay Family A for such damages (called “consequential damages”) and only paid out the capped amount. Aggrieved, Family A try to sue the insurance company. After 2 years of protracted interlocutory matters and Family A being bombarded with unnecessary and irrelevant paperwork, the case finally goes to court. Family A wins. Insurance company promptly goes into liquidation. The string of secured creditors (that take precedence over Family A) descend like vultures to claim their debts. Family A, still broke are wondering whether they and Family’s B, C and D (etc ad infinitum) who were also screwed over should file a class action suit against the Liquidators and Official Assignees.

This is definitely not a one-off or even a "small sample" so I think it is important sometimes to think about other people, rather than yourself.

As for those telling me not to “shoot the messenger”, I'd say that Amanda and Aroihkin's roles are definitely going beyond being messengers here. Also, here’s a saying I prefer: “If your job involves shit, don’t be surprised if sometimes people think you stink”. If you disagree, fine by me. Personally, I’d rather work for Home Depot.

Kind regards…

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Somehow, I don't think I'll write this in my exam. [Oct. 30th, 2004|11:26 pm]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]

Music: People killin', people dyin', Children hurt and you hear them cryin', Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek. Father, Father, Father help us, Send us some guidance from above 'Cause people got me, got me questionin' Where is the love (Black Eyed Peas)

It has been a long standing rule in Anglo-American common law that there is no general duty to come to the aid of strangers, regardless of how great the need or how easily the aid could be given. This rule is based on the fundamental distinction between misfeasance and nonfeasance. A good way of remembering this principle is the age-old mantra that "you are allowed to stand and watch a child (which is not your own) drown so long you didn’t push him in". This would be nonfeasance - inaction that represents a failure to take positive steps to benefit another. People can only be made liable for misfeasance - active misconduct causing positive injury on another.

The basis of this principle is our fundamental right of freedom. Imposing liability for nonfeasance imposes a detrimental impact on our freedom and there is no way in which the law would purport to impinge on our fundamental right to freedom would it? [Cue ironic laughter]

If that isn’t bad enough, there are several cases in which defendants have tended to invoke this common law distinction in order to shirk liability. Here are only a few from a rather juicy selection:

North Central Railway - Defendant railway employee was speeding and hit a person. Upon investigation, he decided that the person was dead and left him in a shed. In the morning, it was found that the person was in fact, not dead, to start off with because he had moved during the night. However by that time, he had bled to death. Oh no, said the defendant, by failing to take him to the hospital I only failed to take positive steps. Nonfeasance.

Whatever, said the Court - you were speeding so created the risk in the first place.

That’s all very well your honour, but what happens in another case where the defendant wasn’t speeding?

Depue v Flateau - Plaintiff went to the defendant’s house to inspect his cattle for subsequent purchase. However, it was getting late and plaintiff requested for the defendant to let him stay the night. It was customary (but not a legal obligation) for people to oblige such a request at the time due to the high risk of freezing to death. However, the defendant said no, but hey, stay for dinner. Plaintiff stayed for dinner and after dinner showed signs of being unwell - ie blacking out for several minutes, staggering around confused, not being able to sit up straight on his horse… However, defendant insisted that he leave anyway. The next morning, plaintiff was found ¾ miles down the road nearly frozen to death. As a result, he had to have several fingers amputated. Again, the defendant had the nerve to try to invoke nonfeasance - not allowing him to stay was merely a failure to confer a benefit.

Again the defendant failed because by inviting the plaintiff into your home, you are responsible for your welfare.

So you see, clearly there is something wrong with such a principle of law which allows those defendants to make such arguments they seriously believe will succeed - and some of them have succeeded. However, whilst James Ames once claimed that the law needs to be amended to serve the reasonable needs of society, the common "purist" view is that he is a kooky nutjob. Perhaps this is just because he has a funny name?

I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that this is just so wrong. Or the fact that I wasted hours trying to understand all this shite. Or is it the fact that I’ve busted my gut for 5 long years to find that on occasion I will have to defend these @#$%^&*s!!!
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Sublime Time [Jul. 17th, 2004|04:30 pm]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |Fuckin' freezing]
[Current Music |I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes (Wet,Wet,Wet)]

I was all excited about reading all my journal articles about music, the first Amendment and subliminal messages until I came across this in the "Skeptical Inquirer" dissing legal commentary on the subject...

"... his understanding of the scientific issues was no worse than the rest of the legal community's... legal commentators' reviews contain copious references to Key, Vicary, and other nonscientists whose backgrounds are anything but scientific.."

Well bah-humbug to you too. I guess I'll just have to watch the rugby tonight and drink lots of beer tonight as planned.

I came into this not really believing in the efficacy of subliminal messages. After reading about a seminal subliminal messages experiment by James Vicary who "projected the subliminal messages 'EAT POPCORN' and 'DRINK COKE' onto a movie screen" and concluded boldly that "on-site sales had increased dramatically" I am surprisingly yet to be convinced.

NON-SUBLIMINAL INVITATION TO COMMENT: If you have any thoughts (particularly no skeptical/cynical ones) or experiences involving subliminal messages, please comment. I don't usually ask people to comment but just this once...
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No pushing, there's one for everyone [Jul. 2nd, 2004|12:32 pm]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |contentcontent]
[Current Music |So why don't we go, somewhere only we know (Keane)]

All the cool kids are doing it...

1. I’m glad to still be friends with you after all this time but seriously, I hope you're not wasting your holiday reading this.
2. You always sign off your posts with "thanks for reading" but it should be me thanking you for so generously letting me into your life.
3. You won’t read this so I can say whatever.
4. Friend’s little sister. But cool enough to play with the big kids - Rock and roll baby.
5. I like seeing you happy and not stressed.
6. What can I say? You’re truly hardcore.
7. You make everything sound interesting, fun and sexy. I’m going to thank your mother when I see her.
8. Hello, nice person. Have you sought Ethics Committee approval for experimenting with people’s thoughts?
9. I love your poetry.
10. I enjoy your unique accounts of the various live gigs you seem to always get free entry to.
11. I’ve probably seen you a million times when I visit Classics. I guess we’ll find out one day.
12. You’re awesome, I do worry a little though when you blow up cars.
13. Thanks for the tip about swans. One day someone will walk into your life and you’re realise why it never worked out with anyone else.
14. Your entries match mine with in length but are better because they absolutely supersede mine in coherence, style, readibility… etc.
15. I don’t know where you came from but am glad you decided to stay.
16. You are a fascinating repository of raw, unadulterated emotion. No holds barred.

Despite my dour morning lying in bed, texting various people I have managed to miss appointments with and will continue to this week, I am feeling rather perky. My friend came over yesterday with the BEST CHEESECAKE I’ve ever had. Instead of the traditional hard biscuit base, it has a delicious, moist chocolate brownie base. This is topped with creamy swirls of vanilla flavoured cream cheese. And it’s all mine, MINE!!! Also, I don’t have to go to the doctor because I haven’t had further dizzying spells nor imaginary cosmic phenomena - YAY!
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Quotable quote - Audience participation [Jun. 10th, 2004|02:40 pm]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |Cheeky]
[Current Music |You may be right (Billy Joel)]

My friend recently made a new purchase. What did he buy?

"I asked for the hardest, loudest, raciest, horniest one they had..."

a) A sports car
b) A racehorse
c) A bed
d) Other. Please specify.

Sorry. I can't do polls so you'll have to post your answer as a comment. I'll check back and tell you the real answer in a few days.

Hope everyone's well.
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Who said the Law wasn't fun? [May. 20th, 2004|10:01 am]
lemonfreshsmurf
[Current Mood |Sore Throat-y]
[Current Music |She said "Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?"]

L v G [2002] NZAR 495 (per Abbott J)

This was a case about a guy who took pictures of a prostitute he hired and published them in a magazine without her consent.

The photographs were of intimate personal acts and of intimate parts of Ms L's anatomy, in particular her genital area.

In his submissions Mr Clarke contended that a prostitute's genitals could not be a "private fact". However, the difficulty with that submission is that unless a prosititute displays her genitals for all the world to see, they nevertheless remain a private fact, except to the extent that she permits clients to have access to them in return for payment of an agreed fee...

The nerve of Mr Clarke... At least he got shot down.

... While of course the disclosure of the photograph of Ms L's genitals which was published in Scandals was not to the general pubic at large...

This is really what it says in the reported case. Perhaps a typo.

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